Bottle Strike - Part Two

Despite his successful overnight stay with my parents the night of inventory, Oliver has decided to extend his bottle strike another two weeks. He hasn’t taken a full bottle from anyone since then. I am getting really frustrated by the whole thing (we’ve thrown away so much milk) and the lack of options to help us overcome this particular obstacle. I’ve spent hours poring over websites and books looking for information or useful suggestions on bottle strikes and have found nothing that works. Some sites say to try patience and the child will eventually get over it (we’ve given it over three weeks), others suggest trying another method of feeding (like sippy cups which Oliver is too young for), others suggest that maybe the milk has gone bad before the baby can get to it (I tried pumping milk and giving it to him right away - no go) and, finally, others say that perhaps the child is just “reverse cycling” and to just get used to it. The last is, by far, my least favorite piece of advice.

Reverse cycling is when a baby decides not to eat during the day when his mother is away and to get most of his nutrition and “Mommy” time during the evening and nighttime hours. This means lots of nursing when the mother gets home from work and lots of waking up in the middle of the night to nurse. This is what was happening last week when Oliver was refusing a bottle during the day and then getting up two or three times a night to eat. There are no suggestions anywhere on how to correct reverse cycling - all the sites and books just name reverse cycling as an explanation of why a baby would start refusing a bottle and then offer some platitude like: “Just feel lucky that your child so prefers to spend time with you that they would go without food during the day.” I find that so annoying. Basically these people are telling me that I can try to do my job in two or three hour increments during the day so that I can breastfeed all day and avoid waking up all night or I can try to do my job on little or no sleep. Neither of these options appeals to me. I can’t do my job well in either scenario.

The worst part of all of this is that I don’t know where to turn to get some help with this. If Oliver had decided to stop nursing (and, yes, I feel very fortunate that’s not what’s happening) I would turn to a lactation consultant but the “professional” breastfeeding community doesn’t seem to think that bottle refusal is a problem or something that deserves their attention. It’s as though my freedom and ability to do my job on a full night’s sleep aren’t important. I know I’m lucky in that Oliver is such a great baby and that breastfeeding is working out so well for us (there are lots of women who would love to nurse but can’t make it work) but I’m so frustrated and feel so tied down being the only source of food my son will accept. I worry that Oliver is becoming too attached to me and that he won’t be soothed by anyone else. I feel bad for my mother and Brian for having to listen to him scream while I’m away at work. And I feel guilty for feeling so frustrated by the whole thing or for being so “selfish” as to want a full night’s sleep or for how angry I get about all the ounces of breast milk we’ve wasted. It’s been a rough couple of weeks.