In the last two weeks I got really concerned that he couldn't see properly. He would smile at me but only in response to my voice. If I put my face in his and smiled without making a sound he wouldn't even look at me. And when he was smiling at me, he wasn't really looking at me. I kept telling myself it was all in my head but the thought that he couldn't see well kept creeping up on me.
And then other people started noticing it. People would come up to him, stick their face in his and coo at him and he'd stare off into space. More than one person asked me: "What's he looking at anyway?" And then at dinner one night, I was holding in my lap facing out and Oliver was talking about something. Brian said: "Look, Oliver, Henry's looking at you!" and Oliver took one look at his brother and said: "No, he's not. I don't know what he's looking at."
Commence paranoid Mommy tailspin.
I made an appointment last Tuesday with our pediatrician telling them that I have concerns about his vision - that he doesn't seem to be looking at me, that he doesn't track objects, that he doesn't enjoy looking at his mobile or any toys, etc. I timed our day so that when we got there Henry was in an awake and alert phase. So, we get back to the exam room and he's smiling and cooing and (I swear!) staring right at me. But I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just in the way of his eyes? And then we wait. And we wait. And we wait. And by the time the doctor finally comes in, he's tired and his eyes are glazing over and he's, once again, staring off into space despite repeated attempts by the doctor and myself to get him to look at us. Dr. Sharp tell me that she trusts me. That if I think there's something wrong, that we should get it checked out. She tries to get him to track an object and he won't. She gives me the name of a pediatric ophthalmologist and I leave feeling dejected - I was hoping she'd check him out and just tell me that I'm crazy.
I called the eye doctor as soon as I left and he was booked through June. So, I called Dr. Sharp back and asked for a different recommendation. I called that office and got an appointment for Thursday. No way was I waiting until June to have my fears addressed. And then I made the decision to take the rest of the week off. I needed to stop trying to work and be a mom to Henry at the same time - if only for three days. My three day maternity leave!
I spent Wednesday at home with Henry - talking and singing to him and enjoying all the smiles and coos he threw my way (and there were a ton). On Wednesday afternoon, Henry was waking up from a nap in his room. I walked in, looked over the edge of his crib and smiled at him without making a sound. He looked up at me and flashed me a huge grin in response - marking the first time he ever smiled in response to just my face as opposed to my voice. Yep. I'm crazy.
On Thursday, Brian came home at eleven and we went and had lunch and then drove over to Henry's appointment. We got into the exam room and listed our (okay, my) concerns to the nurse. The nurse said that they would have to dilate his eyes to examine him but that the doctor would probably want to see him first. When the doctor came in, Henry was really fussy and wouldn't cooperate. They left us alone and we got him to calm down. I placed him in my lap looking up at me and started talking and he started smiling and cooing at me. The nurse came in to dilate him and Henry looked right at her face and smiled right at her (little stinker). The doctor came in twenty minutes later and Henry smiled right at her (seriously, kid, you're making me look bad). She examined his eyes and then held up a couple of different toys and objects and tried to get Henry to track them. Which he did. He followed them everywhere she moved them. She was very nice. She didn't say to me: "You're obviously crazy." She noted that he has a normal refractive error for a baby his age but that he seems to be focusing on objects and faces and his tracking is fine. Of course, while she's saying these things, Henry was staring off to this right - seemingly at nothing. The doctor said that could be a touch of torticollis or could be a response to his being tired.
So, he's normal. Again. I should really just get that through my head but it's not working. Luckily the other thing I got done last week is a list of therapist recommendations. So, the next call for an appointment won't be for Henry. It will be for me.
When we were done at the doctor's we went and got Oliver and brought both boys home. I put Henry in his crib and turned his mobile on and he immediately stared up at him and started kicking his feet and smiling - for the first time ever. This kid is determined to teach me patience.
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