So, I finally decided to try my best to shake this fear this week. I started small - buying Henry's car seat - and I'm trying to work up to bigger purchases and projects. And now I find my superstitious fear replaced by anxiety that there's no way this will all get done in the next seven and a half weeks. But I've made a list and am determined to start chipping away at it but I'm sure this song will still be running through my head.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Very Superstitious
I'm not usually a superstitious person. I don't fear Friday the 13th or avoid black cats or freak out if a mirror breaks. But ever since my stay in the hospital I've found myself struggling with an irrational fear of doing anything to get ready for Henry's arrival. I haven't wanted to buy any of the numerous things we need, plan the nursery, or get any of Oliver's old stuff out of the attic. I've been paralyzed with the fear that if I start making steps towards getting ready for the baby, then the baby might show up. And considering we hadn't done anything to get ready for him before I went into the hospital we are really facing a time crunch at this point.
So, I finally decided to try my best to shake this fear this week. I started small - buying Henry's car seat - and I'm trying to work up to bigger purchases and projects. And now I find my superstitious fear replaced by anxiety that there's no way this will all get done in the next seven and a half weeks. But I've made a list and am determined to start chipping away at it but I'm sure this song will still be running through my head.
So, I finally decided to try my best to shake this fear this week. I started small - buying Henry's car seat - and I'm trying to work up to bigger purchases and projects. And now I find my superstitious fear replaced by anxiety that there's no way this will all get done in the next seven and a half weeks. But I've made a list and am determined to start chipping away at it but I'm sure this song will still be running through my head.
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You have a carseat? That's one thing we haven't checked off the list. We just started making real strides toward actually getting ready; thank goodness for my sprinkle, because now we have clothes and diapers. No carseat. No bassinet. No receiving blankets. Can't find my nursing pillow. A crib that, at the moment, needs to be disassembled and covered in four coats of paint.
ReplyDeleteThere is definitely a post-traumatic anxiety that follows something like you experienced. Four months after our hospital stay, I still lay in bed and steel myself every time I wake up in the night and have to use the restroom.